A vocation makes life a lot simpler for those who have it.

I have always envied those who wake up in the morning to become dedicated athletes, obstinate chefs in the search of perfection, novelists who cannot stop making up new scenarios and characters, architects who design buildings in their sleep.

Their path is clear, it goes in one direction only.

What about wretched generalists such as myself? Who have always wanted to explore literature, but feel they have a mission in politics, live with a deep sorrow for not having pursued their scientific studies, have an interest in technology, want to do something for the environment, for education, to improve the life of the elderly… and in the end they don’t do any of these things (professionally), but something completely different which, by the way, they enjoy as well.

There’s a thin line between curiosity and anxiety.

Having multiple interests and exploring them was great for Renaissance polymaths as life was slow (and without social media), but nowadays it’s just painful because there is no time.

The world, whether rightfully or not, whether people admit it or not, values specific experience and the official track record over adaptability and love and dedication for learning. It doesn’t really care about who we are, it cares for what we do. And if we can become what we do, well – that’s even better, judging by the success of “personal brands” and people whose lives are essentially advertising inventory.

The constant feeling of falling short on something (a bit like FOMO, but not exactly) keeps us awake at night. And if we can’t sleep, our brains get even messier. We make lists with all the books we haven’t read, all the projects we haven’t started… and the rain outside keeps falling, the world keeps turning.

The baby is asleep. Perhaps that’s the most important thing right now. She’ll teach me everything I need to be happy.